Laura and I had planned a vacation to get away for a while and for me to see my family in Texas, from June 24th to the 31st. The tale I can weave of how that vacation went (or is going, as I type this aboard an Alaska Airlines 737 first class cabin at 37,000 feet) is, quite possibly, the worst vacation I’ve ever had. First class? Sipping Cabernet wine? Great food and legroom? “How is that bad,” you may ask? This three hour leg from Seattle to Dallas/Ft. Worth, has capped off six terrible days for me, in my attempt to rejoin Laura on our vacation, as it was in progress. Let me explain.

We all lay great plans, and as it often happens, those well laid plans get blown up. We weren’t fooling around on this trip, so we purchased tickets on American Airlines, round trip from Columbus to DFW, so we wouldn’t have to mess with traveling affordably on standby. I was to finish up a trip from Hong Kong, pass through Anchorage, and end up in JFK on the afternoon of the 23rd, with plenty of time to get home in time for our afternoon departure to my homeland. We were thinking ahead, and purchased our outbound leg in the afternoon, so I would be sure to not miss this trip.

My Cathay work trip was going very smoothly, and all my flights were on my body clock’s daytime, so even as we flew through the night, I felt great, as it was my body’s time to be awake. I had a good landing into Anchorage (ANC) and on the arrival, we could see Mt. Redoubt smoking away. It had been under alert for eruption for over a month, and all three of us asked aloud when we thought it might finally blow its top. Dumb volcano – all it does is huff and puff, but doesn’t give us any action.

I spent a day in ANC and then got up early the next morning, looking forward to getting home that afternoon, in anticipation of the vacation. I had a faxed note slipped under my door, and as I read it, my blood ran cold as the fear of delays ran through my mind. Mt. Redoubt had blown, and started erupting, spewing a grey ash cloud 65,000 feet into the air. As a result, the aircraft we were to fly to JFK in a few hours had diverted to Kansai, Japan, and would not be coming to ANC. Dumb volcano!

Volcanic ash is really tiny particles of hardened molten rock. Rubbing it with your bare hands will cut you like glass will, as its crystalline structure has very sharp edges. Having the equivalent of small rocks floating in the air spells disaster for modern jet engines. A Korean 747 had severe damage in all four of it’s engines when it inadvertently flew through an ash cloud and a British Airways 747 lost all four of its engines as it flew through an ash cloud over Indonesia. The BA crew got them started again, but only after falling from around 35,000 feet and the engines crept back to life and clung to a little bit of thrust well below 10,000 feet. So needless to say that airlines steer well clear of volcanic eruptions.

Most all the flights in and out of ANC that day were cancelled, and Cathay sent all their freighters through Vancouver, instead of Anchorage (where I was), leaving 30 odd crew members stranded that day. I thought, oh well, I’ll be out of here tomorrow and I’ll just meet Laura in Texas. So, Laura flew by herself down to Texas, and I hoped to get a flight on Cathay via DFW, or at worst, finish my trip to JFK and then come down the next day.

I have to interrupt myself at this point. As I’m typing this, I just received my chicken marsala dinner and am instantly impressed with Alaska Airlines. On the tray, along with the salt and pepper, silverware, and dressing, was a small card. The card was a picture of a sunset with “Alaska Airlines” printed on it. And then there was this: “I will praise God’s name in song and glorify His name with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30” It was like a readable prayer for anyone who wasn’t sure of what to say prior to a meal, but wanted to say something. More important than that, was what that says of Alaska Airlines. In this world of pop culture and post modernism where truth no longer exists, it is refreshing to see a mainstream company taking a religious, moral stand. No doubt; no doubt at all, that the airline has taken heat for this card, as we Americans push God farther and farther from our national conscience. However, I’m proud that Alaska Airlines put that card there and it reminded me that I am not alone in this world with my faith.

Well, that dumb volcano Redoubt continued to spew its awful bilge into the air, day after day. Each day, the Red Alert warnings for aviation remained, and Cathay planes (my ride home) continued to divert away from Anchorage.

Laura has been in Texas for several days, staying in the metroplex with my sister and her husband, and I remain on a day to day basis in the hotel, thousands of miles away. Our flight schedules have G days and O days. G days are “guaranteed” days off, and as we’ll see in a minute, they really don’t guarantee anything. O days are days that if the company gets ahold of me, I have to work. They put O days on the end of trips, so that they can always and easily get ahold of me for more flying. I had three O days after my scheduled trip was to be finished, and now I was languishing in an Anchorage hotel, held captive by these O days. The company didn’t want to send me, or any of us home, in case the volcano finished toying with us and flights could resume. Seismologists say that this eruption cycle could last years, however.

When my last O day was over and I began breaking into G days, I was about to read the riot act to someone in crew control, when I found out from another pilot that G days can be turned into O days at the will of the company when “roster disruption” occurs. That’s vague enough that just about any scenario will fit to keep us at work! I was originally supposed to be home by Monday night and by Thursday afternoon, with Laura having already begun our vacation on her own, some captain in ANC finally yelled loud enough to convince the company to allow us all to leave, get home on our own, and the company would reimburse us for our flights.

I still remember getting that fax message under my door: You are free to find your own way home as the crew in the Anchorage hotel have been on duty long enough. I thought: “Yeah, I’ll be in Texas tonight!” That elation quickly grew to exasperation, as more and more internet searches showed more and more flights either oversold or cancelled. In fact, I really don’t know what I was thinking – why would I expect to catch a flight out of ANC when Mt. Redoubt was still blowing its top? Dumb volcano. No wonder the company said we could find our own way home, instead of them finding it for us.

If you don’t use Kayak.com, you ought to at least give it a chance, as it searches great deals all over the internet for flights, cars, vacations and the like. Flights were selling out so fast out of ANC, that as I would click to check a price for a certain flight, the link would tell me that the deal had expired and when I would go back to Kayak’s search page, the prices had jumped up by $200 dollars! Wow, I needed a ticket and needed one fast. Katie or Laura suggested that I try flying out of a different city, to get away from the ash clouds and the mess that ANC had become. Great idea, until I found out that Juneau was a two day drive and Vancouver was a three day drive away! Holy cow, without major interstate highways and with rough terrain, driving somewhere was almost out of the picture. Almost.

Enter Fairbanks (FAI). It was only a six hour drive away and it’s flights hadn’t cancelled. The rental car fee to go one way that far North into the Alaskan interior was very steep, but I wanted to get home. So, I bought a ticket from Fairbanks – Seattle – Dallas/Ft. Worth and rented a car to get to Fairbanks. If I was going to get that flight, that left at 1:30 AM out of FAI, I had to leave ANC in a hurry. I showered, shaved, packed and left for the Avis rental car. This was Thursday afternoon, and I had a Friday morning departure to Seattle to catch.

The drive to Fairbanks was amazing. I had an auspicious start, however, as the first rental car I picked up had a maintenance issue, but the second car seemed to work just fine. I passed through a few small towns, but other than that, there weren’t many places to refuel or use the bathroom. As a matter of fact, I didn’t throw away my 32oz cup from McDonald’s, incase I needed a makeshift bathroom later on down the road. Alaskan highway 3 basically took me all the way from Anchorage to Fairbanks. It’s a nicely paved two lane road and it’s the only road between these two cities. I passed a store called Mike*Mart, with the sign font made to match Wal*Mart’s sign. I passed a huge igloo hotel that had long been boarded up and closed. And most breathtakingly, I passed by Denali national park. If you ever need a summer vacation spot but hate the summer heat, Denali is for you with its beautiful mountains and wildlife. There was a whole town I drove through that was completely vacant because it is only open from May to September. It has shops and coffee places, and the streets are lined with paver sidewalks and nice street lamps. It was eerie to pass through this seasonal town that looked like a ghost town, but fully modern. Denali is also home to Mt. McKinnley, the highest point in North America, at over 20,000 feet.

The road was smooth and the speed limit was 65. I, ahem, did a wee bit over that, as I would only see a car every few minutes or so. It was the first time I had ever been in a place where both AM and FM dials never found a station. The search function of the radio just sent the dial going round and round and round, never stopping, never hearing anything. I did finally find a few country stations that played songs with lyrics like, “I wanted to start a fire with some old flames, but all those gals now had different last names,” or, “I’m gonna marry for money.” Great stuff.

After having woken up on Thursday morning about seven AM, I got into Fairbanks about one AM, my body’s time. I was tired, but my flight left in a few hours, and soon I’d be joining Sweet Pea in Texas. My phone showed I had a voice message, and it was from Alaska Airlines. Uh oh. “We are calling to inform you that your itinerary has changed and you’ll now be departing Sunday at one AM, not Friday at one AM, due to the ash cloud from Mt. Redoubt blowing up toward Fairbanks.” BOLLOCKS! Our plan to avoid the ash was crumbling fast. I was too cheap to buy a hotel room, because I had faith that I’d get an earlier flight and this would all become a distant memory. It was 15 degrees F, so it was too cold to sleep in the rental car, so I got three hours sleep in the terminal building, on a comfy wood bench. I would have slept better, but the announcement to “only smoke in designated smoking areas and to keep a close watch on my baggage, as all bags are subject to search,” seemed to wake me regularly. I got up about six AM, as the terminal started to fill with people, hopeful to catch flights to Anchorage (all of which cancelled due to ash, heh heh).

My next chance out of the state of Alaska was the next 1:30 AM departure to Seattle, this time on Saturday morning. I was confirmed on a Sunday morning flight back to ANC, but I wanted this flight to Seattle, as it would get me into DFW by 1:30 PM, the same day, just 12 hours later. So, I would try standby on the Saturday flight and keep the Sunday flight in reserve. I kept my rental for 24 hours, so that gave me until four PM to check out Fairbanks. By about noon, I had seen pretty much all there was to see: Home Depot (every isle), Lowes (every isle as well), read in a Barnes and Noble, driven around town, and had a terrible meal at Denny’s. (By the way, for all you folks scoring at home, the Fairbanks Denny’s is the most northern Denny’s in the world!) At four, I turned in my rental, leaving me stuck at the airport, come hell or high water.

That night and into the wee hours of the morning, the tension grew in regards to whether or not the flight would leave, and, being standby, would I get a seat. To see if I would have a chance at a seat, the gate agent asked me if I was a gold or platinum member. I told her that I wasn’t even a vinyl or plastic member! As departure time loomed, the terminal became packed with people. Who were all these nuts up at one in the morning and why didn’t any of them decide to miss their flight? I knew I was in trouble when the gate agent started asking for volunteers to give up their seats due to an oversold situation. I knew that if they were wanting volunteers to give up their seats due to lack of seats, my standby status was down the tubes. I headed back down to the ticket counter to see what other options were available for me. They had a six AM departure to Anchorage, which by now, was just a few hours away, but I was doubtful it would even go. Even if I did make that flight, they had me going to Seattle, and arriving there at one PM, to then go to DFW the NEXT morning! By this point, I had only received three hours of sleep in two days, and the prospect of having to buy a hotel room in Seattle and delay my arrival by even more time put me near my limit of “kindness while upset.”

There was an afternoon flight to DFW, just a few hours after I was scheduled to arrive in Seattle, but the coach section was full, so they couldn’t put me on it. I’d have to wait another day to get to see my family. Bummer. I guess my fatigue and plight wore down the agent, because she talked to her supervisor, and they decided to book me in first class from Seattle to DFW, which did have an open seat. That way, I could get home sooner, not have to buy a hotel, and enjoy the delights that first class offers. Yea Jesus — that’s what happened. I was able to get the flight back to Anchorage, one of the first to operate back to ANC, and then moved on to Seattle and DFW. I had little faith that the flight to ANC would go, but the ash cloud was visible enough to avoid, and Alaska Airlines was willing to run flights in and out of ANC to get their unhappy customers on their way.

So after all of that, six days late and with three hours of sleep in three days, the first class from Seattle to DFW was nice. It wasn’t a silver lining, but maybe a rubber one, or maybe even a vinyl one. Laura leaves Texas on Tuesday, and I look forward to seeing her at midnight, Sunday morning. That will give us almost three days to see each other. The plan is for her to go back to Ohio on Tuesday, so she can go to work, and I’ll stay in Texas an extra day to give me a chance to catch up with my family. However, as I have learned from all this: the plans I make probably don’t count for too much.

“O” days messed me up and a volcano messed me over. “O” the vacation that almost wasn’t.

TobyLaura.com